Shalom Aleichem...
Reflections is a weekly Christian Teaching Ministry. Each week we will talk about the Bible and lessons we can put to use in our daily life. We will try to, on a weekly basis, provide to you stories, thoughts, and just easy ways to live your life on a straight path.
THIS WEEK'S TEACHING....March 16, 2020
This is the second in our series of four teachins on marriage and how to deal with the ups and downs that will always be present.
Last week we looked at God’s design for marriage. So the question this week is...If God's Design is perfect....What causes conflict and how to handle it in your marriage?
Handling conflict in marriage
Last week we learned 2 things about marriage...God designed marriage to show the world the image of God.
“In the image of God he created them. Male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27
We also learned God designed marriage to meet our need for companionship.
“It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him.” Genesis 2:18
This week we want to look at the subject– How to handle conflict in marriage
Conflict in marriage is not necessary a bad thing. There are certain conflicts that strengthen a marriage.
Here we want to look at -How to handle conflict that hurts the marriage.
This teaching is broken down into 2 parts...
Part one: How to cause conflict in marriage
Part two: How to handle conflict in marriage
How to cause conflict in marriage...we are looing at James 4:1-12 for answers to this question.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
The #1 cause of Conflict is Selfishness (v1-2)
In the wedding vows, we say....I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
So often the issue is simply "I want to have my own way".
James says we all battle with selfishness. One thing we do not pay attention to is the word in the vows that I underlined....CHERISH. The Websters dictionary defines Cherish as to..."care for and protect." When we do not cherish each other, conflict happens...When one spouse does not get their own way conflict happens
A second way to cause conflict in marriage is found in v3-4
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures....4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God?
Worldliness is another big cause of conflict in marriage. Why: Because it is a form of adultery.
Anything - except God that we put before our spouse is a form of adultery...
An affair with your job, hobbies…
James address two areas where worldliness can creep into our marriage
1.The area of finances
“When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (v3)
The reality: Money is a huge source of conflict in a lot of marriages
Here in verse 3 the issue is.....Where the money is being spent…
2.The second area where worldliness can show up in a marriage is the area of Friendships
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? (v4)
Is there anything wrong with being friends with non-Christians? No! Jesus was a friend of sinners.
When is it wrong to be friends with non-Christians? When they influence you or your spouse to turn away from God’s design for marriage.
1.To show the world the image of God
2.To meet our need for companionship
3.The third way to cause conflict in marriage is Prayerlessness (v2)
“You do not have, because you do not ask God. “
You are quarreling and fighting with one another - because you are not praying together.
Spouses who pray together stay together.....We should pray about everything. – the kids, the finances…
How to cause conflict in marriage
1.Selfishness
2.Worldliness
3.Prayerlessness
Part 2: How do you handle conflict in your marriage (v5-11)
1. The very first thing to do is Humble yourself. (v6)
6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
What I need in times of conflict is more grace
What is grace?
“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright lives in this present age.”
Titus 2:11-12
We need grace to break the conflict cycle with an apology and forgiveness.
And the only way to get more grace is to humble yourself.A lot of people who are married don’t know how to humble themselves.Why? Pride!
Who should humble themselves first? The man or the woman? Context of scripture: The man should be the first to say "I’m sorry please forgive me."
2. I must repent for my past failures.
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Take responsibility for my past mistakes.
Get alone with God and ask him what to repent of.God is the God of second chances.
3. I must only attack the problem and not my spouse. (v11)
"Brothers, do not slander one another.”
"Attack the issue, not the person. Too often, individuals can get so caught up in the anger of the moment, that they make demeaning, overly critical remarks about their spouses. A couple should, instead, be dealing only with the specific concern that has caused contention between them, not launching personal attacks against each other. Belittling your husband/ wife will only increase the problem and break down the lines of communication."
How to handle conflict...
1.I must humble myself
2.I must repent of my past failures
3.I must only attack the issue and not my spouse.
CHERISH THE ONE GOD HAS SELECTED FOR YOU TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH!!!
I love you all.
This is the second in our series of four teachins on marriage and how to deal with the ups and downs that will always be present.
Last week we looked at God’s design for marriage. So the question this week is...If God's Design is perfect....What causes conflict and how to handle it in your marriage?
Handling conflict in marriage
Last week we learned 2 things about marriage...God designed marriage to show the world the image of God.
“In the image of God he created them. Male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27
We also learned God designed marriage to meet our need for companionship.
“It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him.” Genesis 2:18
This week we want to look at the subject– How to handle conflict in marriage
Conflict in marriage is not necessary a bad thing. There are certain conflicts that strengthen a marriage.
Here we want to look at -How to handle conflict that hurts the marriage.
This teaching is broken down into 2 parts...
Part one: How to cause conflict in marriage
Part two: How to handle conflict in marriage
How to cause conflict in marriage...we are looing at James 4:1-12 for answers to this question.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
The #1 cause of Conflict is Selfishness (v1-2)
In the wedding vows, we say....I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
So often the issue is simply "I want to have my own way".
James says we all battle with selfishness. One thing we do not pay attention to is the word in the vows that I underlined....CHERISH. The Websters dictionary defines Cherish as to..."care for and protect." When we do not cherish each other, conflict happens...When one spouse does not get their own way conflict happens
A second way to cause conflict in marriage is found in v3-4
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures....4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God?
Worldliness is another big cause of conflict in marriage. Why: Because it is a form of adultery.
Anything - except God that we put before our spouse is a form of adultery...
An affair with your job, hobbies…
James address two areas where worldliness can creep into our marriage
1.The area of finances
“When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (v3)
The reality: Money is a huge source of conflict in a lot of marriages
Here in verse 3 the issue is.....Where the money is being spent…
2.The second area where worldliness can show up in a marriage is the area of Friendships
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? (v4)
Is there anything wrong with being friends with non-Christians? No! Jesus was a friend of sinners.
When is it wrong to be friends with non-Christians? When they influence you or your spouse to turn away from God’s design for marriage.
1.To show the world the image of God
2.To meet our need for companionship
3.The third way to cause conflict in marriage is Prayerlessness (v2)
“You do not have, because you do not ask God. “
You are quarreling and fighting with one another - because you are not praying together.
Spouses who pray together stay together.....We should pray about everything. – the kids, the finances…
How to cause conflict in marriage
1.Selfishness
2.Worldliness
3.Prayerlessness
Part 2: How do you handle conflict in your marriage (v5-11)
1. The very first thing to do is Humble yourself. (v6)
6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
What I need in times of conflict is more grace
What is grace?
“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright lives in this present age.”
Titus 2:11-12
We need grace to break the conflict cycle with an apology and forgiveness.
And the only way to get more grace is to humble yourself.A lot of people who are married don’t know how to humble themselves.Why? Pride!
Who should humble themselves first? The man or the woman? Context of scripture: The man should be the first to say "I’m sorry please forgive me."
2. I must repent for my past failures.
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Take responsibility for my past mistakes.
Get alone with God and ask him what to repent of.God is the God of second chances.
3. I must only attack the problem and not my spouse. (v11)
"Brothers, do not slander one another.”
"Attack the issue, not the person. Too often, individuals can get so caught up in the anger of the moment, that they make demeaning, overly critical remarks about their spouses. A couple should, instead, be dealing only with the specific concern that has caused contention between them, not launching personal attacks against each other. Belittling your husband/ wife will only increase the problem and break down the lines of communication."
How to handle conflict...
1.I must humble myself
2.I must repent of my past failures
3.I must only attack the issue and not my spouse.
CHERISH THE ONE GOD HAS SELECTED FOR YOU TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH!!!
I love you all.
DID YOU EVER WONDER???
I have often thought what I would do when I grow old and cannot work anymore. I do plan on being active until I die but age has a way of sneaking up on us. I have thought long and hard about old age, and I do not know when it stars but I decided, it is a gift.
I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.
I would never trade C4 Church, my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly ornament that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on our Christmas tree. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4:00 am and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s & 60s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair thin and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no" and mean it. I can say "yes" and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question tha may be on your mind folks, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become.
I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.
BOOKS OF THE BIBLE...A TEACHING
The Teachings of JesusThe “Synoptic” Gospels
What a coincidence...we are studying the Synoptics this week in our C4 Bible Study on the New Testament.
The New Testament consists of four Gospels, a series of instructional letters, and finally the book of Revelation, an example of a different kind of literature called apocalyptic, or prophetic revelations of the clash between good and evil and the end of the temporal world.
To understand how the Covenant tradition of the Hebrew Bible continues in the New Testament we will concern ourselves primarily with the life and teachings of Jesus, which are preserved in the Gospels.
The Gospels describe the life and teachings of Jesus. They are a kind of spiritual biography, tracing Jesus’s life and career from his birth to his death, recounting many of his sayings and teachings, and presenting the significance of his life for the world.
The word “Gospel” itself comes from the Anglo-Saxon god spel, meaning “good news,” a translation of the Greek evangelion, from which we get “evangelist,” and also “angel,” messenger, or bringer of news.
The first three Gospels, Matthew, Mark, and Luke, are similar in content and structure and so are called “synoptic” because they can be “seen together” in a clear and close correspondence. The fourth Gospel, John, has a very different style and will be considered later.
It is widely accepted that Mark is the earliest Gospel and that Matthew and Luke both used Mark, as well as other material, as a source. The Synoptic Gospels portray Jesus doing works of healing and teaching in the form of parables, brief allegories containing a spiritual message.
It is likely that Jesus saw himself in the line of the Hebrew prophets. He quotes from Isaiah during his ministry, and Luke tells us that after his baptism he read a passage from Isaiah in the synagogue and then identified explicitly with the prophet. Isaiah was Jesus’s mentor, in spirit if not in actual fact.
Like Isaiah before him, Jesus strongly condemns religious hypocrisy. Some who read only the New Testament receive the impression that the Pharisees were exceptionally hypocritical, far worse than their predecessors ever were. But Isaiah, from the very first chapter, delivers far more stinging criticism of such hypocrisy than does Jesus. Jesus criticizes the Pharisees not because they are any worse than those who came before or after them, but because they are the religious authorities of his own time, and in his time they represented the abuses and excesses that always beset religion once human beings try to organize it. (How easy it is to overlook these same tendencies in ourselves, by using the Pharisees as a convenient target!)
Jesus also follows in the tradition of Isaiah by reviving Isaiah’s message of healing and reconciliation. It was Isaiah (both first and second), more than any other prophet, who stressed that the Covenant still lives, that God and humanity still exist in close relationship, and that God’s compassion and guidance are available in every human life. Jesus had no greater purpose than to teach the reality and availability of the divine Covenant and to demonstrate it in his own life.
Jesus is careful to emphasize that he does not contradict the law and the teachings already received. Rather, his instruction “fulfills” them. How? By making explicit the intention of those teachings.
In the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew) and the corresponding Sermon on the Plain (Luke), Jesus makes clear just what this intention is. It is easy, he says, to love those in our immediate circle: our family, our friends, those who love us back. Anyone can do that. The real challenge is to love those who are different, who don’t necessarily give us anything in return, those in whom we have no personal stake, and even those whom we may consider enemies. In other words, the challenge is to love even in the absence of self-interest.
The other great teaching of Jesus that comes through in these Gospels has to do with the Covenant itself. At first Jesus conceived his mission as directed only towards his own people. Then one day he meets a Canaanite woman who asks him for healing. He treats her with contempt and sends her away, telling her that his mission is to the Jews only. But she persists, and Jesus cannot help being moved by her faith. She is the “different” one whom Jesus comes to love. This woman appears to be God’s instrument showing him how he must expand the scope of his mission and his own perception of its meaning. And so at the end of Matthew’s Gospel we hear Jesus telling his disciples to bring the message to all the nations of the earth.
The universality of God’s love is expressed also in the Gospel of Luke. In the Parable of the Good Samaritan Jesus teaches his disciples that the “neighbor” whom one is commanded to love may belong to a group different from one’s own, and even to a group of people one may have considered one’s enemy. This is Jesus’s understanding of the Hebrew Bible’s injunction to “love the stranger.” God’s love applies equally to everyone.
The Jews were blessed to have discovered the Covenant in their tortured but persistent search for the one true universal God. It is time now to spread the message to the world. God loves all people equally, and the promises of God belong to all.
We have not touched upon Jesus’s passion and death on the cross, and there is much we could say about it. However one understands it, it is clearly a demonstration that God is present with us even in our most extreme suffering, and that God makes this presence known to all who accept this commitment to love, which Jesus has revealed as the Covenant’s true meaning.
HAVE A SAFE AND BLESSED WEEK:)
Ho'omaikaʻi ka Pua iā kākou
The Teachings of JesusThe “Synoptic” Gospels
What a coincidence...we are studying the Synoptics this week in our C4 Bible Study on the New Testament.
The New Testament consists of four Gospels, a series of instructional letters, and finally the book of Revelation, an example of a different kind of literature called apocalyptic, or prophetic revelations of the clash between good and evil and the end of the temporal world.
To understand how the Covenant tradition of the Hebrew Bible continues in the New Testament we will concern ourselves primarily with the life and teachings of Jesus, which are preserved in the Gospels.
The Gospels describe the life and teachings of Jesus. They are a kind of spiritual biography, tracing Jesus’s life and career from his birth to his death, recounting many of his sayings and teachings, and presenting the significance of his life for the world.
The word “Gospel” itself comes from the Anglo-Saxon god spel, meaning “good news,” a translation of the Greek evangelion, from which we get “evangelist,” and also “angel,” messenger, or bringer of news.
The first three Gospels, Matthew, Mark, and Luke, are similar in content and structure and so are called “synoptic” because they can be “seen together” in a clear and close correspondence. The fourth Gospel, John, has a very different style and will be considered later.
It is widely accepted that Mark is the earliest Gospel and that Matthew and Luke both used Mark, as well as other material, as a source. The Synoptic Gospels portray Jesus doing works of healing and teaching in the form of parables, brief allegories containing a spiritual message.
It is likely that Jesus saw himself in the line of the Hebrew prophets. He quotes from Isaiah during his ministry, and Luke tells us that after his baptism he read a passage from Isaiah in the synagogue and then identified explicitly with the prophet. Isaiah was Jesus’s mentor, in spirit if not in actual fact.
Like Isaiah before him, Jesus strongly condemns religious hypocrisy. Some who read only the New Testament receive the impression that the Pharisees were exceptionally hypocritical, far worse than their predecessors ever were. But Isaiah, from the very first chapter, delivers far more stinging criticism of such hypocrisy than does Jesus. Jesus criticizes the Pharisees not because they are any worse than those who came before or after them, but because they are the religious authorities of his own time, and in his time they represented the abuses and excesses that always beset religion once human beings try to organize it. (How easy it is to overlook these same tendencies in ourselves, by using the Pharisees as a convenient target!)
Jesus also follows in the tradition of Isaiah by reviving Isaiah’s message of healing and reconciliation. It was Isaiah (both first and second), more than any other prophet, who stressed that the Covenant still lives, that God and humanity still exist in close relationship, and that God’s compassion and guidance are available in every human life. Jesus had no greater purpose than to teach the reality and availability of the divine Covenant and to demonstrate it in his own life.
Jesus is careful to emphasize that he does not contradict the law and the teachings already received. Rather, his instruction “fulfills” them. How? By making explicit the intention of those teachings.
In the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew) and the corresponding Sermon on the Plain (Luke), Jesus makes clear just what this intention is. It is easy, he says, to love those in our immediate circle: our family, our friends, those who love us back. Anyone can do that. The real challenge is to love those who are different, who don’t necessarily give us anything in return, those in whom we have no personal stake, and even those whom we may consider enemies. In other words, the challenge is to love even in the absence of self-interest.
The other great teaching of Jesus that comes through in these Gospels has to do with the Covenant itself. At first Jesus conceived his mission as directed only towards his own people. Then one day he meets a Canaanite woman who asks him for healing. He treats her with contempt and sends her away, telling her that his mission is to the Jews only. But she persists, and Jesus cannot help being moved by her faith. She is the “different” one whom Jesus comes to love. This woman appears to be God’s instrument showing him how he must expand the scope of his mission and his own perception of its meaning. And so at the end of Matthew’s Gospel we hear Jesus telling his disciples to bring the message to all the nations of the earth.
The universality of God’s love is expressed also in the Gospel of Luke. In the Parable of the Good Samaritan Jesus teaches his disciples that the “neighbor” whom one is commanded to love may belong to a group different from one’s own, and even to a group of people one may have considered one’s enemy. This is Jesus’s understanding of the Hebrew Bible’s injunction to “love the stranger.” God’s love applies equally to everyone.
The Jews were blessed to have discovered the Covenant in their tortured but persistent search for the one true universal God. It is time now to spread the message to the world. God loves all people equally, and the promises of God belong to all.
We have not touched upon Jesus’s passion and death on the cross, and there is much we could say about it. However one understands it, it is clearly a demonstration that God is present with us even in our most extreme suffering, and that God makes this presence known to all who accept this commitment to love, which Jesus has revealed as the Covenant’s true meaning.
HAVE A SAFE AND BLESSED WEEK:)
Ho'omaikaʻi ka Pua iā kākou